I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
