I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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