So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
