And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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