Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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