This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
