WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
