life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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