i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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