Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
