he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We left an ass print on the piano.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
