Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
