K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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