You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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