i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
