on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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