i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
