The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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