the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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