I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
