p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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