I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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