Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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