I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
