I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
