apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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