saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
