Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Success! We fucked roommates!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
