Your tits are I can't wait for
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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