Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Holy shit dude........stairs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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