I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
