it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i think my cat just said my name.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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