my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
