i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
