On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
