I hope mine doesn't look like that
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
