Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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