Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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