I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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