I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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