I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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