dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
