One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
