At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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