Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
