i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
