First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
