Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
