Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
