you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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