no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
