i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
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I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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