You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
