If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
