I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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