When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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