wake up i wanna do it froggy style
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
