Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
