he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's always time for handjobs
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
