Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
