it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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