so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
