Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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