you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
