As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
