never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He kissed a someone with a penis
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
