I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So many bounce houses so little time
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
