this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
