I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize