My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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