So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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