i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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