im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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