I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
