Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
