i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
