Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
