please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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