Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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